Red cards

A referee has shown red cards to five players following a post-match brawl  –  but in the dressing room rather than on the pitch.  I know nothing about football, but this is apparently unusual.  ‘I have never been in a situation before where a ref has come into the dressing room, pulled players on one side and sent them off,’ Bradford manager Phil Parkinson told the BBC.

But I believe this idea has potential. If leading members of the Fitton community were allowed to hand out red cards for bad behaviour wherever they happened to see it  – in St Jude’s churchyard, for example, where the gravestones are littered with crushed lager cans  –  society as a whole would benefit.

I would be happy to spearhead the initiative. With a good supply of red cards in my bag, I would be able to achieve a great deal. I would stop perfectly fit and healthy people parking in the disabled bay outside Tesco Metro. I would point out to dog-owners whose pets suddenly squat that it is wise to carry plastic bags at all times. I would remind drivers who react to the spring sunshine by winding down their windows that not everyone appreciates amplified music, and I would suggest to those attempting to crowd into Franco’s café in the high street that it is not particularly polite to flatten passers-by in the rush.

Our local police force can only do so much. It is our civic duty, as ordinary members of the public, to help promote orderly behaviour.

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